im living in my own fantasy

who's there; who am i ?

2008-06-19T23:46:00.003+08:00

我所失去的一切，我恐怕我无法再夺回
我所拥有过的一切，但愿我真的能放开
我根本不想再看到我无法承受的一切
这不是逃避，而是我无法面对
那些悲
那些哀
那些痛
全在一秒之内全部引爆

遗憾
我无法挽回
遗憾
我无法面对
遗憾遗憾遗憾

全部一念之差，没了

现在，我又能拥有些什么？
我又有什么资格拥有一些？
我到底该做什么？

... ... ... ... ...

everything is killing me.
spare me. please
i can take it no more.

im not even sabrina anymore, who am i?

life has changed

2008-06-02T23:46:00.002+08:00

its been long since i keyed blogger.com and surf for it.
life has been quite depressing i must say. too much downs. its like a waterfall but flowing at the speed of 1km/h with my emotions still happening at a 150km/h. being in fear while droppin down. and having to witness all those possibilities that may happen. all those that have happened.
crap metaphor of mine. whatever. doesnt really matter anyway.

so where has the old sabrina gone to? the one that has no worries. the one that enjoys today like there's no tomorrow. the one that treats life like there's no heaven and hell.

haa. now she's just fearing and fearing. crappy shit!

whatever it is.

to darren:
thanks for gettin my pink pink ((: its a gift that i really appreciate alot. your goodwill and everythng. you got it for me thinkin that i lost my phone. i know thank you is just too small but thank you darren! ((:

:) to those out there. think whatever you want. i know im not like what you guys think of me as.

and for those of my friends out there whom i have lost, thank you so much for being there when i needed you guys to be. but i guess.. i do not have the ability to hold you guys back.. lots of love and thanks. you know who you are.

andlastly, i need to give myself a break from everything. i just need my SIMPLE life back.
[鱼. thanks for always being there]

#12

2008-04-03T11:37:00.002+08:00

my Mc yesterday was nearly a failure. -.- sweats. whatever. i will try not to get one in the future.. especially one that is not really true.

-- 1 more night! and i will be in TAIWAN!!! :) --
roar. mate has promised to send me off. haha! :) he's gonna be at the airport by 1130. so he better keep to his promise.

reached home at 1230 yesterday :( was late for school today AGAIN! for 13 minutes. but it wasnt really my fault. it was my bus. but whatever la ah. dont bother. im gonna leave this place at 530 peacefully with jus one glance back, and i will be gone. take my uniform. go home and leave it at a corner.

my bag is not packed yet and its like only half done.
so many things that i wish to get and wish to do before my taiwan trip, did not manage to have the time to do them.
i wished that i had MC today again :( then i can rest at home and go get my stuffs done.

i wanna dance in school today :( but. parents want to have dinner together. so im done. -.- gotta go home. but after that i will rush to school and :) dance!
my last chance to practise.
i don want to lose face. i wanna do my best!

im tired.
i wanna sleep.

#11

2008-04-01T09:01:00.002+08:00

and today. i was late for school. hadnt been late for like quite some time already.
so anyway. tmr :) Mc Mc. gonna take my first first. Mc and.. it will be a fake one -.- err okais.

excluding today, i will be havin 2 more days left at customer service centreee. and if i really do take Mc tomorrow.. it will be like 1 more day left hahaha! =D
i have a strong feeling that my grades at this stopover wont be good at all. but. no choice.
cos i really dont like this stopover itself.. so whatever..

so many things coming thru my mind. [bla n bla n bla n bla]

i dont like the current life im having now.. dread.

i wanna be free
free from everything

#10

2008-03-31T12:22:00.003+08:00

i changed my room :) guess i shud be here for the remaining days before i leave for Taiwan :)
love the keyboard here. but i hate the mouse, cant scroll :(
but this is my old room. :) many crazy memories with my BSU fish tank. hee

its 1227 now. its like exactly 96 more hours, i will be in the airport with my peeps, ready, anxious and crazy to board the plane. we will definitely be taking many many photos at the airport which i cant bother to take with my parents. err bad i noe. nvm haha. :)

im hungry. no cravings. :( what shud i eat? i hate to think of wad to eat.

:things to be done:
- change money
- really pack my bag by thurs night
- get my report done and handed in tmr
- get enough rest?

err i cant think of anymuch more now. thinking of accompanying my parents for breakfast on friday before i go to the airport with farhan..
:) bet they will miss me. at least i know my dad will haha!

oh! i know wad i feel like eating now! farhan's home made brownie! and my home made cheesecake. which i forgot the recipe. -.-
hahaa!

anyone kind enough to get me my cheesecake? :) perhaps from bakerzin? heee.
*i will love you hoho! prior to changes hahaha!

i miss bakerzin :) i miss chocolate amer. cookies and cream cheesecake. millefeuile. warmchocolatecake. clampasta. blablabla.
i wanna be rich! so i can go and enjoy these delicacy haha.

i need to start saving up after comin back from taiwan.
:)

#9

2008-03-31T09:54:00.001+08:00

4 more days to Taiwan
3 more days in CSC

(:

i hope i will be happy.

dedicated to my that special someone, my special friend

2008-03-30T22:04:00.001+08:00

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldnt speak
You were my eyes when I couldnt see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldnt reach
You gave me faith coz you believed

--- to you, my special special friend, ---

#8

2008-03-28T08:59:00.006+08:00

7 days.
the money is here already hohoho! :):):)
but.. err not all yet. as in the total amount for the 15 of us.
so guys please be good to me. if you are, i will give u ur money haha.
yes. this is a threat!!!! roar!!

tomorrow. gonna go get any last minute stuffs with evelyn and whoever wants to go. but shud b jus the both of us la.. :)
and packing my luggage on sunday as there wont be time for me to do so next week.

random random:
suddenly i miss my old phone ! :(
if there is more in the market i will definitely buy.. regretted selling it. :( damn damn.
see it's so similar to my current phone right? but trust me this S200 is so much cuter haha.
u see the samsung logo on the phone? that part has different colours that we can choose to blink when there is a message received or calls. nice right?? argh! i miss my phone :(

including today, i have only 5 more days in CSC. damn i feel so shiok!

no 830 mornings.
no 630 alarm clock.
no more supervisor stares.
no more shit work.
no more lhub
no more scsm
no more inbound subramaniam kumar [inside joke]
no more outbound call - chase ppl for chipchip
no more daily agent report
no more tas checkcheck
no more tracking reports
no more data entry numbering
no more pig squealing [jeff's enemy]
no more dog barking [ jack's enemy]
no more avaya
no more quality checkcheck
no more headset on my head
no more uniform
no more short breaks only got long ones now
no more ebuddy secretly
no more "Teacher i want go toilet"
no more star performer

ok. the end. haha
yeahh life cant be more shiok

.. .. .. ..

:friends: living in denial.

PS to whoever: dont perceive me the way you want. dont judge a person just by those hearsays and whatever you see. it takes a long time to understand a person

im leaving in 7 days. excited

#7

2008-03-27T11:03:00.003+08:00

8 more days! :))

mummy says she wants to help me with my luggage -.- errrr hahaa
nvm :) also can. jus hope that we dont quarrel cos of that cos it will be so retarded.

Eileen has gone to Thailand, Vi has gone for cruise.
Angie going to taiwan later, TEP eileen going thailand tomorrow. Jack going Bintan the day after.
Roar! everyone is going away.
mine.. argh, tahan tahan. soon soon.

i hope the next few days i will be packed with activities.. then :) time will pass faster.. meaning..
haha! taiwan will come sooner sooner sooner right before my eyes!

----- I WANT THE WINDOW SEAT! -----

i dont care! :(

took 2 hours off this morning. but.. like no difference. i think on sat night i will have to sleep early. but yet, i know its quite impossible.
im having the urge to take MC on one of the days next week. heee den sleep throughout the whole day, have sufficient rest before leaving for Taiwan to enjoy.
okais.. i shud really consider it.

life is boring :( i need taiwan

#6

2008-03-26T08:21:00.003+08:00

9 more days.
::the have yetss::
gotten our subsidies
gotten my money changed
gotten money from my parents
gotten some items for taiwan
gotten prepared for my dance freestyle
gotten my luggage packed

tonight is our performance. can say that im pretty excited. mainly cos its my first time performing with the legendary trademark. haha :)
all of which are my good friends and brothers. :) PS: Mikal i know how you feel haha

girls :) lets do well. though ours is jus so short short hee but who cares, gonna make it a good one

i got a craving for one of my mother's dish late last night. we call it the potato chicken.
its damn damn delicious. i cooked it once for myself. ermm. in my opinion.. its a pass la! hahahaha!
let's see who's that lucky chap that will be able to eat the one i cook in the future :)

now.. i feel like eating. hotcakes with sausage! roar!
and im early for school today -.- reached at 8:10am the moment i alighted the bus.
is life boring? or is it jus that life's a lil lil pathetic for me?

i need some colours! i want the colour pastel blue and pastel pink
some one provide me with the paint please.
thanks!

- - - - reminder. 9 more days to see us.
Ian, David, Ben, Mel, Fong, Peng, Farhan, Ryuta, Joey, Hei, Eunice, Lesner, Wei Keat, Evelyn, Regina and lastly.
me!
so better spend more time with us before we are goneeee
wooohoooo
Taiwan, we are coming in no time!!

i still insist i want the window seat!

#5

2008-03-25T08:34:00.000+08:00

humans are poisonous, venomous, stinging everyone around.
humans are silly, dumb. assuming things, interpreting things in their own way.
humans are too selfish, self centred. oblivious about their surrounding, not knowing how their actions affect others
humans are too big headed. over confident of their own and their possessions.

humans are too naive, thinking that things will be fine after a sleep
humans are too weak, not knowing how to speak up for themselves
humans are too inexperienced, believing whatever someone says, resulting in a damaged heart

which human are you?

Met one venomous one yesterday. who is dumb self centred and big headed.
- - - - - - you are really overboard - - - - - -

ok. stop.
back to my counting down of taiwan. i will make sure i enjoy every single moment over there.
10 more days. counting down.

anyone wants to send us off?

#4

2008-03-24T12:45:00.000+08:00

11 more days. yawns.. its like 24 multiplying by 11
how long is that? darn!
my getaway crazy land. gonna have honeymoon with 16 other people :)
have to gets all my preparations done. check. checked. checkeded [if there's such a word]

** i jus received ian's sms. the total no. of ppl in the freestyle is..... crazy! i need to practise practise practise practise!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

emotions: anxiety, exhaustion, happiness, anticipation, sadness? hmmm.

nevermind. shall continue if i have what to do in mind.

P.S i had adrenaline rush yesterday

#3

2008-03-20T12:30:00.000+08:00

so miss teo ask me how many more days later will i be going to taiwan?
15 more days!
ROAR!
2 weeks and 1 day! and that one day is when i will be waiting anxiously at the airport to board the plane!
guys dont snatch with me! i wanna sit at the side by the window :)

there are a couple of stuffs to do. little amount of rest. and hopefully i wont be drained when im in taiwan. cos it will be so darn wasted.
this attachment 830-530 daily -.- which i rather spend my time sleeping and dancing. and after 530, will be block e, dance time. i need to put my words into actions. quality actions.
next upcoming performance for a talk next wednesday. tomorrow have to go to the redhill to the company to showcase. AGAIN. then, going out with the girls which i mean including yongyong haha to get stuffs :) saturday. i think gonna go get stuffs again but gonna tighten my braces first. sunday--> family day. havent been seeing my parents of late! i think im gonna get nagged......... at. after that, preparations for clubcrawl. :) :)

yeah! finally i can get to sleep in tomorrow. :) for a lil lil longer heee. hopefully i will be fillial enough to wake up to eat breakfast/lunch with my parents.

today. i had somewhat sufficient sleep. :)) 8 hrs. after so long long long long long.
i wanna go taiwan to fly and be happy. want freedom. and guess it will probably be a good getaway for me from the world here.

i have a craving for spaghetti. who will be so dear to cook for me? :)

#2

2008-03-19T11:17:00.000+08:00

yet another day at the CRMCC.
but. (: i will be leaving at 430 hoho!
taken leave!

i miss freedom. freedom to do whatever i want, whenever i want.
and not bothering about what people see, say or feel.

i just wanna be myself. is it that hard?

#1

2008-03-18T14:52:00.000+08:00

finally, my new official blog is up again. :) things have changed. but im pretty much the same. still the same old sabrina. though there are many messed up stuffs recently. i guess i dont wanna bother. but.. yet i cannot dont bother. whatever it is. at least i have friends whom i trust still by my side. you guys know who you are :) please pat yourself on your shoulders. haa

ok. and now im stuck in my callcentre. dying rotting brain dead. i need my taiwan break. but its still 3 weeks. so long.. ok. -.- not very long. it means lesser time to be prepared for the upcoming events in taiwan. i just need one spare day to have a 24 hours sleep. need to go into slumberland soon. really need it. been brain dead. dead. dead.

PS: to those whom you know im referring to, you jolly well know what kindda person i am. especially those closer to me. you know my personality, trust me. if you get lead by the nose by others. i have nothing to say.

-peace. i stare into my dark sky in the night.